The life and loves of Knittalottia (diaries of a woman who would rather knit than dust!)

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2011-09-28T17:30:00.000+01:00

I apologise if my Facebook posts offend you!

2011-09-22T10:55:00.001+01:00

just recently one of my friends commented that someone on her friends list had sent an email to her explaining that she was deleting some people from her Facebook friends list and that she was one of them, we all thought that this was so bizarre! Meanwhile one of my Facebook friends had posted that she was deleting some people as she was sick of hearing about the lives of some people, as their posts where boring her and they should get a life!

This was quite a while ago, and yesterday I noticed that she is no longer my friend on Facebook, well I'm sorry if my posts bore you and my life is not as exciting as yours clearly is. However I would like to point out that whilst you are entitled to your opinion you have no right to judge, I have used Facebook for many years now, yes I update my status regularly I voice my opinion regularly, and I keep in touch with people who I love who I would not be able to see regularly by doing so, for many of us who are single parents, or who have partners that work away it is our way of being able to keep in contact with other adults, whilst getting on with our daily lives, some of us don't work in the normal 9-5 type jobs with an office full of people to interact with, some weeks when my kids where small I would spend days not talking to anyone older than school age. This was when I discovered myspace, and the power of blogging and chatrooms as a way to keep from going mad!

I know some people find it boring to read that we have discovered a new soup, knitted a new pattern or listened to a new song, well if that's the case then use the drop down menus and just mute that persons feed! There is really no need to be so bloody rude! Or just quietly delete them as a friend and say nothing!

As I said I'd only just noticed that this person had gone from my list, probably because they rarely posted anything, and when they did and people send them best wishes they never replied, to be honest what was the point of being on Facebook anyway! The whole point of it is to interact with others! Why be surprised that we mention what we had for breakfast! Maybe some of us don't have another adult here to tell!

Maybe some of us can't call our mum and tell her when something funny has happened with her grandchildren, but we can write a post and tell our friends, and we can look forward to a reaction from another human being when we are feeling lonely or feel that there is no one to talk to.

So just for the record, I've had bacon and eggs for breakfast,
The washing machine is going, I am writing this on my iPad, I am having a back massage tonight with my man's sis in law my good friend Nicky, I will probably Skype with him later, he's not my friend on Facebook as he gets all my news first hand anyway, and due to the fact that we both forget what the heck we are saying half the time, repeating it just one more time would be overkill! And his head would swell and probably explode if he read how many times I bigged him up!,

Location:Ludlow Rd,Southampton,United Kingdom

Again its been too long!!

2011-06-06T21:06:00.000+01:00

Ive not Blogged in ages! I am appalled at myself! but my excuse is that I am happy and have nowt much to moan about! thats my excuse and Im sticking to it!

My Knitting life is full and varied, Ive been teaching myself new techniques thanks to several books that my lovely man bought me for xmas,

this book had me hooked, and I sat for several days casting on and frogging until I actually managed to suss the concept! not sure that I will ever actually use this and make anything, but I was determined that it wasnt going to beat me!
I must say that I started to feel a bit stupid on day two when it still didnt click, and I was still frogging and restarting! then I had a Yoda/Luke moment and used the force so to speak! I was giving in too easily and not actually reading the pattern properly! Never assume they say! and I was assuming!

After that I was sailing along nicely, its quite a dense fabric, and Im sure one day I will make a blanket out of lots of sock yarn squares, But as I'm not really a jumper person I doubt that Id ever use any of the patterns.

I also had this book the dress on the front sold it to me, I love this kind of look, and there are several really nice pattens in this book, I would rather knit in the round and from the top down if I possibly can, I hate seams, mainly beause Im really rubbish at them, and haven't yet had a blinding revelation as to how to make these things look good, mine always look wrong to me, Im never really sure as to which stitches im supposed to be joining! so subsequently I always try and knit things that dont need joining or at least are joined but picking up stitches which I can do rather well.

testing this off line blog writer

2010-07-07T20:10:00.001+01:00

blah blah blah!! just checking that this thing is working for when i am in devon and cant connect every day!

Get the Aviva deal!!??

2010-07-03T08:34:00.001+01:00

Has anyone you know actually saved any money with Aviva? They must spend a small fortune on their adverts which are really funny, and they advertise all over the press and the Internet saying insurance from £180 ish quid, my £236 renewal arrived for my car insurance from Sheilas Wheels but I decided to do my normal research and see what else was available, Aviva was my first port of call as they really make you think that they are going to give you a good deal, so I key in my details, age, 48, no claims bonus, full!! Years driving, many more than not!! Claims in last 5 years (or actually any years) none! Driving convictions in last 5 years, none!

Quote £689!! Nearly 4 times more than the one I have!! WTF!!!

Now they keep emailing me and asking me why I didn't take the offer up!! What is wrong with these greedy people!!

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Still waiting!!!

2010-03-30T11:27:00.000+01:00

Sat drinking coffee (now there's a surprise!!) crochet in lap, working on a variation of www.stitchdiva.com stash blanket, I say a variation as I've only got an 8mm tunisian hook at the moment, waiting for mine to arrive from the States, meanwhile

This is emerging! I'm hopeing that the 16 skeins of Noro I have will give a decent size lap/chair blanket!

Totally loving the colors as always with Noro, and I'm sure with a good blocking it will be softer and squishy.

There's still a week before JP comes home, thank the heavens for skype I say! It makes it so much easier to have a conversation with someone 7 hours in the future when you can see them as well as hear them! Off down to Branscombe on Thursday can't wait to be sat by the sea again! I've dreamt about it all winter!! The kids aren't so happy being dragged away from their friends this year! But tough!! I love it there! And can't wait!!

Location:Langhorn Rd,Southampton,United Kingdom

Today I am mostly.......

2010-03-22T13:23:00.001Z

Learning Tunisian crochet, I've had 8 skeins of noro sat waiting to be made into something for ages!

So I decided to destash by making an afgan, well I've started and totally defeated the object of destashing by ordering 8 more skeins from eBay! It looks so beautiful! The ones I've ordered are a different colourway and hopefully they will merge nicely.

2010-03-22T13:11:00.002Z

Tori A La GaGa!!

my girlie is obsesed with all things GaGa at the moment, she lives breaths and listens, watches reads and sings, and of course takes pictures as she goes, she is a funny little thing, totally self obsessed for the most part as are most teens, but im proud of her and her twin Bro all the same.

Finished!! two at a time socks rock!

2010-03-08T21:20:00.000Z

Happily wearing my two at a time socks, I know it's taken me a while to finish these but I've been a tad distracted these past few weekends! Not that I mind in the slightest! in fact I'm loving being distracted!

Once you get your head around the concept of knitting both socks at the same time it's really rather easy! And also means that I no longer have one longer than the other!

I could have started the yarn in the same place on each sock but I rather like that they match but they don't! I suppose that's just me though! And my weird sense of how I see things! And want things!

Off to slimming world tomorrow, and if I've not put on a couple of pounds I will be most surprised!
Dinners and lunches out this last weekend and kaths birthday yesterday will have taken it's toll! However Im back to proper eating now and that's what it's all about!

Went to the most fab Indian restaurant on the IOW on Friday night, called SWAD and was adventurous and had my dinner chosen for me! (now that's trust!!) and tried a vindaloo! And despite what everyone thinks you cam actually have them at whichever strenth suits you rather than mind numbingly hot as we all presume! It was the most awsome curry I've ever eaten! And I'll certainly be trying dishes other than my normal chicken korma in the future too!

How life can suddenly change!

2010-02-28T14:41:00.001Z

Having now had 3 weekends in a row of lovely times I hadn't realised just how lonely I had been before! Hadn't actually realised that I actually do need company, someone to laugh with every day!

I thought that I was happily single, that i didn't mind being 'the other woman' that it was all
Okay, but it just wasn't! Right now I am loving having someone to make plans with! Loving not stressing about when the next message would arrive! Loving the whole uncomplicatedness of everything! Loving that I am
Making a difference in someone elses life too, how things can change in just a short space of time! How closing some doors will magically open others! Life is indeed most fastinating!

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Gosh!

2010-02-24T07:45:00.001Z

Well dear readers what can I say! Except sometimes the hardest decisions are actually the right ones! I'd not actually realised how much I am effected by saddness! It stops me sleeping, makes me eat rubbish food, makes me generally rather grumpy! And buggers up stuff!

Yes it was hard to do, yes I do wonder, but the process of letting go has lightened my heart, and also changed everything! I don't go to sleep at night making up senarios of how we will be together, or wake the whole night to look at my phone for messages!

And crazily enough that simple act of letting go has brought someone back into my life who is making me smile right now! And that can only be good!
I hope so much that he is happy to, and finding peace and is loved.

Life
Is
Strange and wonderful!

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Time to shake things up a bit!

2010-02-17T19:57:00.001Z

Last year I decided to loose some weight, by September 2 stone had gone and then it all stopped, self distruct mode kicked in and chocolate looked at me accusingly from the shelves of each and every shop, I battled and won and managed to keep the 2 stone off but not loose any more! Then Xmas and new year I was steadfast and determined and only put on 1lb, then it all went tits up and I've now put on 10lbs!! Pure misery and self distruction set in, sod it I'm going to have large Amounts of chocolate! I'm
Going to eat cake and puddings and total rubbish! I am going to actually punish my poor body with this stuff because I feel sad and alone and grumpy that I'm the only person in the whole wide world that dosent get what she wants!

Well dear reader it's all going to
Stop right now! Enough already! It's time to get my lazy arse moving again and get this annoying weight off once and for all!! I refuse to be fat and 50! I refuse to be sad, and I refuse to believe I will grow old alone!! Somewhere out there is a wonderful man who is looking for me, wondering where I am! And someday he will find me as I will him and all will be as it should be!

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My beautiful baby girl

2010-02-15T20:30:00.001Z

My beautiful baby! Who's now decided she would like to be a photographer, this is a self portrait, one of many, I think she's pretty awsome!!

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Heck thank goodness for friends and yarn!

2010-02-15T13:40:00.001Z

The most wonderful thing about yarny related hobbies is that there is something new to learn every day and so many different ways of doing thing, last week I decided to give two at a time socks a bash, my sis bought me a copy of socks a la carte for Christmas so i've gone between that and 2-at-a-time socks on one circ.

I've nearly done and it's actually rather fab knowing that I'll have a pair once finished and they will actually be the same lenth! I'm going to have a go at some fancy smancy ones next, I've only ever done plain ones so far
And I'd like to give another style a go, again the Many ways to knit and new things to challange you!

It's good to have a distraction, something just for you, especially when you are sad or have made someone else sad, last night I cried so much I looked 89 this morning! All because of a photo on facebook! That one little thing can mean so much, I know he's as sad as me, but hey we will both always have the us memories, and I know he will treasure them as much as I do.

And at least I have yarn!! Lots and lots of it!! Oddles of squishy goodness! And lots of time to turn it into wonderful hugs and hats and socks!

Yay for yarn!

The universe can be mean sometimes!!! !! !

2010-02-12T23:22:00.001Z

I don't think I'm a bad person, I try to be kind and helpful, loving and supportive, Ive been told I'm funny and sexy and brave and wonderful, a good mum, a good listener, a good friend, yet to have and to hold someone who loves me seems totally impossible!
Today after a year and many tears I have finally cut ties with someone who I love greatly, I know he would never have done it, and I also know that him loving me fills him with guilt, and I hate that, I have deleted and purged, messages and contacts, photos and texts, placed them all in storage until such time when I can read or reminiss without tears, as I wrote the message today I knew that I couldn't faulter or re read what I'd written, and must hit send as soon as I'd done, or I would have given in, and waited another week in the hope of some time, and then another until my life had passed me by and it was too late.

I find it unfair that the universe sent me this man, let us love each other and then make him
Choose, of course he would never choose me over a family and Years of marriage, and I would never have asked him to, instead I wish him love, and hope that he is content and loved for the rest of his days, I'll never regret knowing him, and I thank him for giving me a glimpse of what true love really is, I just hope some day I will feel that way again.

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Moebius the 1st

2009-12-03T09:21:00.000Z

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Another day another technique!

2009-12-03T09:17:00.000Z

I've been wanting to try a moebius for a while now, again I kept putting it off as I did with the clapotis! How daft it that! I've also been working on granny squares with crochet, I'd not crocheted in years! And when I did I never actually made anything! Just use yarn and went round and round or made off kilter squares, then gave up and learnt to sew instead!

I really must photograph my clappy and post the finished article.

As for the moebius it's so clever! Cat Bordhi rocks!! And what would we do without YouTube!! Cast on and knit! I'm just doing a quick neck warmer with some homespun that's been sat doing nothing! I love the way it grows top and bottom and everyone who had seen it so far has said "how on earth!"

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Its Just Stuff!!!

2009-11-29T21:51:00.002Z

The last few weeks have been very strange! there have been lots of deaths in my circle of friends, Mums, Dads, Aunties, Brother in laws, it makes you think a lot about your mortality and Stuff!

I was helping an old friend this week, his auntie died on Monday, he arrived too late to see her on Tuesday from France where he now lives, due to time constraints her house needs to be sorted and he needed to get started whilst over here, as we went through her house, finding all sorts of out of date food items and pairs and pairs of shoes and slippers, how many pairs of slippers does one lady need?? she had about 20/30 pairs! lots different and lots the same, hundreds of jumpers, books in pristine condition, never read, just it seemed books to fill shelves, we talked of stuff.

We spend our lives filling our spaces with stuff, for some we spend out lives decorating and re decorating, making our space beautiful, now to me that's lovely but who are they doing it for? I would far rather have a home like mine where people felt they could come in, kick off their shoes and kick back a bit than feel like they must sit on the edge of the chairs and not muss the cushions!

But in the end, all that is left when we are gone is stuff! you cant take it with you! you cant really dictate what happens to your stuff, it will be sifted and sorted and what was precious to you will be junk to someone else, it really makes you see how unimportant it all really is!

And then there's the 'secret' stuff, the things that you really don't want anyone to see! the things that you don't want to share with your kids! for me its my diarys and writings from over the years, along with a few other bits that are for me and me alone, for these things I am going to buy a box, a box with a key so I can lock them all away, with specific instructions for my best friend to remove and dispose when I go! and I have the same instructions from her! as for the other stuff, do what you will with it!!

All I really want is to be well remembered, with love and laughter, and have spent my days doing happy things, and not wasted a minute of it doing things that are really not that important.

Today I just feel sad!

2009-11-27T10:13:00.000Z

I started feeling sad last night, I'd been fine all day, in fact I've been fine for weeks and weeks, but last night huge waves of sad just overtook me!

Anything can set it off! I'd been to football training earlier and was chatting to andrea and terry both of whom have been married for umpteen years, and it makes me start to wonder what it is that makes some people marriagable and some clearly like me not. I did try, and despite what I say I did love Alex, I loved him very much, but clearly never enough for him to really love me, same with everyone, I really don't seem to pick well, I seem to think that if you love someone enough then they should love you in the same way, which is really rather stupid!

I'm really not at all sure what it is that makes a wife! In my next life I'm sort of hoping that I will get it right! It seems that I'm not supposed to like sex, generally give my husband a hard time and rather wash up or Hoover than go for a picnic! I'm clearly not supposed to want to have fun, laugh at smutty jokes, swear or be able to hold an intelligent conversation.

I was mailed the other day by a man on one of the dating sites that I'd forgotten about, first message quite normal and ok, but as soon as I messaged back he was messaging me like I was his new best friend! Telling me his whole sad story, of his split up and not being able to see his kids, going from riches to rags, and I was again amazed that yet again some broke man thought that I was going to be his salvation! I'm quite frankly rather naffed off with it!

In my whole life I've only ever met one man who's made me truly happy, but the timing sucks and I don't know what to do, I just hope that he comes and finds me first in our next life!!

I wish we had know what we know now when we were teenagers! Then maybe I wouldn't ever have any sad days!

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Life just takes over!!

2009-10-09T20:56:00.004+01:00

I suddenly realised that Id not written a thing since my hat! since then Ive actually finished my shawl and have been wearing it!

sorry the pics aren't that clear but my light in my lounge is quite frankly pants!! Ive really enjoyed knitting this, the yarn though I do say so myself is beautiful and squishy and warm! and its the nicest yarn I've spun so far, and of course from my Daisy!

Ive really got to start thinking about Christmas knitting, though I'm such a selfish knitter I never want to give anything away!! mainly as sometimes Ive knitted and gifted and the response has been a sort of "oh right, homemade, thanks" which is the point that I think, bollocks I wont bother doing that again!!

So now I only gift to those that I know appreciate my talents and blood sweat and tears that goes into a "homemade" gift! oh and of lots of my hair too! which seems to get everywhere!!

These lst few weeks have also been a bit different as My darling boy has at last started his new school, and what a difference that has made!! he is a changed boy!! he is enjoying school at long last and been put in all of the top sets!! after the debacle that was Oasis academy mayfield (and yes I will name and shame the place!!, its in Southampton, Hampshire!! and if you are thinking of sending one of your children there, make sure that you have examined all other options first!) his new teachers have wondered what the hell they were playing at as the grades he was given there were totally wrong! anyway I am now having to get up early and drive him to school, my sister works there and shes been bringing him home, that is until yesterday when I got a text telling me that she was in hospital!!

Poor darling got rushed in, in an ambulance and had emergency surgery!! all seems to be well though and hopefully she will be home in the early part of next week, so Ive not actually touched my needles in the last couple of days, as all I seem to have been doing is driving backwards and forwards across Southampton!! that and spending a stupid amount of money feeding my growing boy who has been coming to the hospital with me!!

All I really want to do right now is sleep but No1 son arrived home from the local park having been set on by some boys from another area!! he ran for it after being threatened with stabbing! and called the police, they are apparently coming to see him! knowing my luck they will arrive as my head hits the table! I am so blooming shattered!!

I have the pleasure of a lie in tomorrow morning though, and I cant wait!!

My Hat

2009-09-19T17:04:00.002+01:00

I started the beret the other day, and as I was knitting realised that I wanted something a bit different to the simple one that I was doing so, apart from the basic top down increase bit that all berets have this one will have a different headband to solve my cold ear lots of hair problem, so watch this space, Im writing it as I go and when its done I'll do another just by following the pattern and check its right, but I will ask someone to knit it for me too just to make sure I'm not a total pattern writing moron!!

Right im off to do a bit more!!

I just needed to knit round and around!!

2009-09-16T23:36:00.001+01:00

Sometimes I get bored with knitting backwards and forwards this is when I need to magic loop!! So I cast on for a beret tonight, knitting is so perfect for me! I bore easily!! This way I can have several projects on the go and never not knit!!

This is the one day beret pattern from http://www.throughtheloops.typepad.com/designs/
I love the hat patterns she does! I knitted thorpe for tori last year, and will probably do one of them for me next! The berets I did last year where quite small I want this one to be a right down over the ears hat, so I'm not pulling it all the time! I suffer from cold ears in the winter!!

-- Posted from my iPhone

avatar me!!

2009-09-10T19:35:00.000+01:00

Oh Crap!!

2009-09-09T22:17:00.005+01:00

This morning I had an email from the "I'm a parent and I still want to get some" dating site! Now this site advertises itself as discerning, and the best place to meet other adults who are in the same situation as you etc, we take great care to match you with like minded people, etc etc..... yeah right!! what a total crock of pooh!! Most of the rejects that are on there don't have children, but obviously think that because you do you will be desperate to say yes to anyone or anything!!

It also seems that most dating sites seem to think that you are compatible with someone just because they live in the same town as you and are about the same age! they suggest what sort of pictures to use, what will attract most response, things that you should write in your profile to get people to message you, well one of the choice examples of manhood this morning obviously didn't read the bit that said take care when you choose your screen name!! he was Davidp something, and in my not quite awake state all I see is david dp !! and think well that's subtle! it wasn't until later that I looked properly (actually whilst guffawing with the girlies! that I realised my mistake!) however why some of these guys feel the need to have pictures with their tops off when they really really shouldn't do that I have no idea!

I have no idea what you are supposed to do when you want to meet someone! most people meet partners at work or through friends, well I work with Diz and I know her already and shes not a bloke! and none of my friends have ever introduced me to anyone who is single or suitable! so I can see why the Internet is the idea place to actually meet someone, but for me I know its not right! I may just go and take a course in something! I remember years ago talking to a male friend about this and telling him that I was going to start hanging around laundrettes in hope of meeting single men, and his reply was "babe all you are going to do is meet men with no washing machines!"

And last but by no means least!!

2009-09-08T16:29:00.002+01:00

The loves of Knittalottia!! I decided in my great wisdom to rejoin some online dating sites! why oh why oh why!! I asked myself last night not long after hitting the accept button on the confirmation email!!

I have done this before and its always been the same! over the years I have had messages from 5'0 men who want to be bossed around, from one man who wanted to clean my house! (but he wanted to do it naked!! and he really wasn't what I wanted to look at clothed!!) one guy who likes to wear woman's clothes and call himself Mary but was "all man" apparently, coffee date man who spent the hour I had with him telling me about all the models he had dated and how high his standards where!

I despair of ever meeting someone this way who I would want to spend an hour with let alone the rest of my life!! lol!!

However I don't want to have a life devoid of passion and love, I don't want to get slowly older and not ever have that all consuming feeling for some lovely man again!! part of the reason that I broke up with my husband was that I was so afraid of slipping into old age without passion in my life!!

Diz and I went out the other evening for something to eat and there was a couple at a table behind her, I don't actually think that they said one word to each other for the whole time we were there!!

He was reading the paper and she was just staring off into space! I know that sometimes there is that companionable silence but to be honest if I'm with someone then for me that silence includes us touching! these people where 2 separate entities, there was nothing about them that said we love each other, or even that they were a couple apart from the fact that they walked in together and sat at the same table! how sad is that!!

Anyway as far as my Internet dating debacle is concerned, I doubt very much that I will bother!! My boat will have to be well and truly floated by someone before I shall embark on anything ever again! But I do know that I need some sort of excitement in my life! apart from the yarny excitement that I get from knitting and spinning!! I need some male company! I love my girlies to bits but I need some attention too!! I need some hugs and I miss being snogged! I saw an old friend in Devon last week and when he hugged me it was the first time that Id been touched since the beginning of June!! how bloody sad is that!! and for a tactile person it bloody kills me!!

Homespun shawl

2009-09-08T16:03:00.002+01:00

This is my latest project, My friend Martine, who is an Uber goddess when it comes to Knitting and spinning had a lovely shawl that she did a while back with some of her homespun yarn, I asked her at the time if she had written the pattern down as it was really nice, she does most things from her head! but shed not done it and I kept on at her! anyway when she was over last week we talked about this particular shawl/wrap/scarf thing and she'd still not done the pattern, so we sort of cobbled together what she'd done and I started this! as soon as Ive finished it I will endeavor to write it down, Ive kept notes as I've gone along, so it will eventually turn into a pattern! I've not seen anything like it on Ravelry or anywhere else. this is what it is looking like at the moment!! and I'm really enjoying knitting it!! the best thing is that if I run out of yarn I can spin some more!! as I have oodles of this fiber!! it feels lovely too I am most pleased with it! hopefully I should finish it next weekish! as I really want to cast on the Clapotis, I've had it queued for ages on Ravelry but was confused as to how it worked, now I can at long last read a pattern and 'see' how it works before I cast on, I am planning on knitting it with some of the five moons yarn, this beautiful; yarn is hand painted and exclusive to Fiddlesticks which is fab LYS in Honiton in Devon, I know Ive mentioned it before but I really love this shop!! I really wish that we had such a nice LYS here!!

http://www.fiddlesticksdevon.co.uk/acatalog/five_moons_yarns.html

this colourway is called Old fashioned Roses and so lovely, I cant wait to start using it! so I'm off to finish my homespun one asap!!

I have been a tardy blogger this week!!

2009-09-08T15:52:00.003+01:00

Since coming back from hols I have been a bad bad blogger!! I really should write something!! and share some pics of the lush and squishy shawl that is now finished and the latest projects!!

So to start with here is the finished article!
I am really really pleased with it, and haven't actually blocked it as I have been wearing it pretty much constantly since it was cast off!!

I have ordered some more manos silk blend in a different colourway to make another one, as I think this will be a very favorite shawl, it is wrappy and smooshy and warm and I just love it!! It is also long enough to wrap around me and tie at the back if I want extra cuddling!

I love the construction if this pattern, and am looking forward to doing the next one, I shall endeavor to sort the short row extra stitches next one and not have the eyelets in the frill though, not that it makes too much difference to be honest, I may just have a practice run and swatch the stitches first this time and find out where I went wrong in this one, having said that it looks lovely, and I was consistent in the mistake so it looks like its supposed to be there anyway!!

Technology rules!!

2009-08-29T01:00:00.000+01:00

Bloody literally!! Last night the new facebook app
For the iPhone appeared at last! The first one had Many faults so this was hopefully going to be awsome!

I downloaded the update, opened it, and nowt happened! So I rebooted, then nothing happened, literally nothing! Bugger restore time! I plug in laptop and still nothing! And can't check what else I need to do as there is no Internet here! Arse!

So I sleep badly, dreaming of my iPhone and all the messages I will be missing until I can get to Exeter yet again to the apple store!
So this Morning I wake kids, one happy that he's going to Exeter again and one who has become menstrual girl!! I
struggle to get them moving, showered, dressed, pack car with everything but coats as it's loverly! Then it rains! And rains!

Anyway the upshot is that we stopped in a layby at sidmouth and I got a signal on the dongle and sorted iPhone! However as I've been an idiot I'd not updated it since I've been here and all my banking stuff is gone! And 43 levels on geared!! Which is bloody annoying as I was further along than the kids and they started before me!! I've also lost all my food diaries for the hols! Which is a bugger as I was keeping a daily/monthly record!! Arse! Again!!

Have also decided to go home early as the whingeing is getting on my nerves now! And since I've still got 10 ish days hols left I shall park myself in the garden at home and tell em I'm not moving!

Oh and the facebook app is brilliant!
-- Post From My iPhone

Back to civilization for the day!

2009-08-26T15:32:00.001+01:00

The rain came down in plentiful buckets this morning! I had already promised the evil pixies we would go to Exeter, sussed the park and ride and am now sat outside the apple store
Whilst they reconnect to the outside world that I have cruelly plucked them from!! As I sit and write this, tummy rumbling from wanting lunch they are updating apps and probably chatting to friends!!

-- Post From My iPhone

One more week in Hevon!

2009-08-25T23:00:00.000+01:00

Diz and the boys left for home today after the long weekend with us here, and as suspected after them bickering all weekend and argueing about what to play/watch on tv/eat/drink/who was it etc they are now moaning that they are bored as there is no one to play with! And can they go back to Southampton! Now I know that they miss their friends but tough! I want my two weeks and I'm sure as hell going to have/enjoy them!! Sitting in the sun, being able to just step outside onto the deck and have breakfast looking at the sea, not hearing my neighbours shouting and slamming car doors all night! Total bliss!! I could quite happily live here, I need to win the lottery and move! And don't go suggesting meeting/marrying some rich bloke either as to be honest I don't actually think I could live with anyone!! I like things how I like them! I have my own ways of cooking/clearing up etc, I can't actually cook in a messy kitchen, I have to have clear surfaces! And my cooking utensils have to be respected! Sad I know! And in all my Years I have only ever cooked or watched one man cook in my kitchen who works like I do! So the chances of ever meeting another one are slim to not at all!! So I think I shall resign myself to singledom! Which right now suits me down to the ground!

There are not many men who appreciate my craftyness, most have been rather dismissive of it! And I'm sure most would not understand that dinner appears when knitting is put down for a bit due to tired eyes or a numb bum from sitting!

I know for a fact that my exhusband would think yarn a total waste of money! Despite the fact that it's me that earns it!

Where as there is nothing more
Exciting for me than skeins of new yarn, wool/silk/cashmere/alpaca etc, nothing cheap mind you! What's the point of putting your heart and soul into something for someone or yourself and using cheap stuff!

I was Reading puddytatpurrs blog yesterday, catching up on posts, and had an omg moment! She put into words just how I feel about the whole friend/craft thing, most people dont get it!

Most people don't understand that there are some of us that actually like keeping our own company! Whilst they are off finding things to entertain themselves we are actually quite happy at home, sticks and string in hand!

And it does get wearing after a while answering their questions about what we've been up to!! As they don't get it! We don't knit/spin etc because we have no life!! We knit/spin etc because we love to! We enjoy giving a bag of fluff life! Changing it from one thing to another! And then changing it again as we knit with it! Knitting is awsome! And it's also awsome to give someone something you have created and they think it's awsome too!

So I know for a fact that anyone who wins my hand and heart will have to pass the knitcompatibility test! Otherwise don't bother!!
-- Post From My iPhone

Still not much sun but determined!!

2009-08-23T16:32:00.001+01:00

The sun tried to come out today! It tried very hard, I would like very much for it to try even harder tomorrow!! The kids thought that it Would be a good plan to wake me up this morning, I however thought it was a very bad idea! I am not a happy camper when woken by anyone for anything! Wel. Actually that's not totally true! I am most happily woken by coffee in bed or awsome sex! But that's not happening at the moment!! Lol!!

So the highlight of today is fresh from the sea branscombe crab sarnies!! Just a touch of Mayo and nothing else, we sent the kids to the sea and took a picnic Down to the beach, determined that we would sit on the beach! At first it was fine then the cardi went on!!

And the knitting kept the rest of me warm!!

The ruffle is nearly done, I'm going to do at least 3 inches of ruffle, but wil nearly 900 sts
Per row! it's taking a while!!

I am going to love wearing this!! It looks like I will have a skein over after all! So I shall
Do some wrist warmers too! May even do fetching as I've not done them yet.

The kids have been bobbing around in the sea on humongous rings!!

And tonight come hell or high water we are bar-b-Qing tonight!

Holiday heaven!!

2009-08-23T08:57:00.000+01:00

Ive now been here 6 days and feel totally relaxed! Stll got ages yet and loving the whole chilled vibe! Kids are happy as Diz and the boys are here for a long weekend and they are playing in the sea and having poker schools!! Diz and I keep trying to get them to go out so we get some chill relax time too and totally forgot that we could just leave them to it and go out ourselves!! Doh!!!

So we popped out for a walk last night, down to the sea shanty and had a mini bag of chocolate buttons each! Sat on the beach and watched the sea and chatted,

Our view to the left!! We bought a small bar-b-q to have a beach barbi, but the weather looked like rain so that's been shelved until today, we want to have one at night on the beach, making childhood memories! I remember a holiday in France as a child where we met some Americans there where loads of them and they had all this really cool stuff that we'd not heard of! (I was 8 Years old!!) and one night we decided to have a beach barbi and they would bring typical american food and us English! A huge pit was dug, and the fire made, they bought corn chips!! And gaucomole and the biggest barrel of 'potato chips' (all we knew where bags of smiths crisps!!) we had burgers! Omg!! So much better than wimpy!! And baked potatos, and both of us bought baked beans!! Thinking them typical of each nation!! That was 40 summers ago and I remember it still! It was the holiday I met a French boy called pascal who was on crutches as he had polio who spoke not a word of English!

I do hope that our kids remember their holidays! I know they will always love branscombe as I do! And I know that whoever I end up sharing this later part of my life with will have to love it!

Looks like the weather may be going back to sunshine!! I do hope so! I am enjoying the feeling of the warmth on my skin!! And soon we will be back to jumpers and jeans!!

Just because it was there!

2009-08-21T18:33:00.001+01:00

I sometimes take some totally excellent pictures quite by accident!! This was one of them! I was actually taking this to prove to a friend that it was really sunny here! Couldn't actually see what I was taking or what I had taken until I came inside!!

-- Post From My iPhone

Kids

2009-08-21T14:21:00.000+01:00

Me! Me! What about me! Mum!!

Whilst taking pics for my ruffles shawl tori and jake both decided to get in on the act too!!

Surprisingly jake is eating at the same time As lurking!! I have been sat outside on the deck, knitting and listening to "outlander" on audible letting the sun warm my skin, occasionally being snapped out of my fantasy world playing in my head by the sounds of food
Raids in the kitchen!! Toast popping, The rustle of crisps or biscuits being opened the ppsshht! Of yet another can of coke/dr peppers being snaffled!! And then of course the cry of "what's for tea/lunch!! We are starving!!!"

Time for ruffles!!

2009-08-20T17:55:00.001+01:00

Getting along swimmingly with "shawl that jazz" got to the ruffle bit and cocked up!! Filling in the short row spaces I read the instructions wrong and didn't knit the first made stitch so it's go some little holes, now this isn't a prob but there are bigger holes at the bottom, I like the effect of the twists ans eyelets all the way along the side but I've had to add extra wires and stretch it all out so I could see where I need to do some jiggery Pockery and pick up some extra stitches and fill the holes a bit! So I've marker the 4 places and have my trusty crochet hook ready to sort them once I get to them! I bought 2 more skeins of manos to complete this, it's taken 2 so far not sure how much 3 inches of ruffle will take I may do more, endless garter stitch isn't a problem for me, especially on hold when the kids are bugging me every 5 mins!! Right off to play yatzee!!

Beautiful branscombe!

2009-08-17T17:50:00.001+01:00

For weeks I've been waking up at the silliest times, this morning however because I wanted to get up early and leave to beat the annoying traffic, so the alarm was set for 6am! When it made noise the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed!! I did however and jumped in the car and was away by 6.30, and a coffee stop and a petrol stop later I arrived to see jake walking up the hill with the dog and was leapt on by Tori as I got out of the car!!

The last week without them has been peaceful and quiet! And actually the first time I have really enjoyed some time on my own, the last couple of Years I've felt lonely, this time I relished my own company, and some freedom, especially my night out in town with my darling little friend Lish!! ( called Lish as she's little and delish!! It sort of stuck a few years ago and I've called her it ever since!)

I am a pet names person, always have been, if I've given you a pet name it means I love you!! You all know who you are!! Lol!!

Anyway, Pa and little M went off home and we went down to the sea to go in the canoe, jake couldn't wait to show me his skills! It's great fun! And actually the first time I've been in the sea in ages!!

Then a quick trip to sidmouth to grab meat and barbis so that jake can cook dinner on the beach later! Of course I have my knitting with me! I was going to bring my wheel but decided against it as I have so Many WIPs on the go! I am motoring along nicely with my "shawl that jazz" and popping into fiddlesticks in honiton tomorrow to pick up another couple of skeins of the manos silk blend, that Barbara has put by for me, and I know that I will find some noro that I just have to have!! I live the shop and if you are in the area pop in! There are all sorts of yummy things!! And I always make sure I bribe the kids so I can go and browse!!

We shall we hitting the beach again shortly for fire and meat! And apparantly tori wants is to sing camp fire songs!! She knows some by sponge bob!!

Why are customer services so stupid sometimes!!!

2009-08-06T00:20:00.001+01:00

I ordered some new bed linen from QVC last week, and was very happy when it arrived on Thursday last, however wasn't so happy when only one of the 2 sets was in the package, so I called customer services and a very nice lady told me no prob she would get the 2 ms set sent to me, and how sorry etc.

Next day I get an email saying thank you for my order and please pay now, so I called again, explained yet again the problem, and was told that sorry they couldn't send just one set out as they came in pairs, so I said well I only have one so there must be just one sat on it's own somewhere, no he assured me they come from America in pairs, so after I explain that no I don't want to wait for a courior to pick up the one I have and get back to them so they can send a replacement set, and that since they made the error and also have my money would they send me a replacement set and i'll give the man the one I have on return, this is agreed and I re package the set I have, this is picked up on Monday and the replacement arrived this morning, which was the missing one that they told me that they couldn't send! So I called them again, and they are going to try and send a whole set, she Then tries to tell me that they would have to do a whole stock check before they could send me the missing one! Because it's imossible to send half an item!! That's weird I say as you've managed to do it twice so far!!! So hopefully I will actually get both the floral and the striped set both at the same time in the same place!!

Growing rainbow!

2009-08-06T00:02:00.001+01:00

I started this shawl ages ago and I restarted it a couple of weeks ago, when I started it I thought rather stupidly that there would be plenty of yarn on one ball!! Why I thought this I have no idea!! As it's a ginormous square shawl which requires 2000 mtrs of yarn!! Silly me! Anyway just about to finish first ball and start 2nd knitting it with Kauni in the EQ rainbow colours it will be a happy shawl! Probably far too colourful for most but for me will be my happy shawl!! The pattern is in the folk shawls book, there are several in there I like, nothing too taxing, nice take out and knit shawls whilst people talk to you, no counting really necessary, the pattern has certain repeats of the lace bits but I'm just doing them as and when it looks nice.

Just checking in!

2009-07-24T23:15:00.002+01:00

Right my life is changing, my body is feeling good due to Chiro treatment and exersise and a better diet, my change or do something new every day for the next 30 has involved a lot of this and also going to new places and doing new things, this weekend sees lots of social engagements which is nice, busy busy busy!! and lots of knitting too!! started a rainbow shawl with some kauni ages ago, thinking that there was loads in one ball, and there is but this is a huge square shawl!! almost a blanket, it will swathe me in colour and warmth when the winter months arrive!! I love shawls (youve probably guessed!!) they can change an outfit, scrunch up in a bag for a cooler everning and I enjoy knitting them, anyway ive had to order 3 more balls of kauni for this enourmous shawl!! but it will be one of those things that will lay over the sofa and be used for hugs and cuddles all the time, its quite a rough yarn to knit with but i dont mind that at all, and this is a real easy knit so no concentration necessary, so its coming with me to Paultons park on sunday for Maisy-j's birthday day out.

off to bed now with a smile on my face and love in my heart, life is good and shiney, I feel better than I have in years! and wish Id thought to go to a Chiropractor years ago!! Im apparantly nearly straight again!!

changes day 6

2009-07-19T14:05:00.003+01:00

Okay so the 30 days of doing something different is going well, Ive been somewhat hermitish recently, I used to love going out and meeting new people, but for the last few years Ive been really rubbish at it! sometimes I think its because I find it hard to go to these things and have the whole "so why are you single?" thing and sometimes I think that its because im afraid of actually meeting someone, someone single who could actually become someone special, its easier being in the situation that ive been in recently as when it was over I could justify it by saying oh well its over because hes married, there ive said it, the man I love is married, I make no excuses, its a crappy thing to do, and ive heard all the usual stuff about, it will all end in tears and what about her etc etc, I dont condone it, Id never actually have an affair myself, however you cant choose who you fall in love with.

I know you can choose if you act on it, and i know my mum would have been horrified and told me that a lepoard never changes his spots and that hed never leave his wife. Ive heard it all but it dosent take aways from the fact that he and I both had feelings for each other that we couldnt ignore. I do think that sometimes im in self destruct mode, that I went into this thing knowing that one day it would end and at least I could say oh well, it ended because he was married, not that it ended because he didnt like me anymore or didnt love me any more or didnt fancy me any more, were as a relationship with a single man that ends is harder, because when they end its because of one of the above, or they meet someone they like better.

Maybe its time for me to be a bit braver and go out and actually risk my heart with someone who is available, I dont want to go down the dating site route ever again, Ive tried dating someone that I didnt find attractive but found very nice and funny because I thought that maybe I was being too fussy, that really didnt work! because all I could think of was, this guy is really nice, he makes me laugh but I really really dont want him to kiss me! let alone get naked with him!!
Last night I went to my local and there is a guy that goes in there, he always makes a bee line for me, he always remembers stuff about me and is very sweet, but I really dont fancy him, apart from the fact that he drinks an awful lot, and he again told me that he thinks im really really sexy, and did I like him, and was there any point in him "trying it on with me" I find that really difficult, hes a nice guy but there is absolutly no chemistry with him, he does nothing for me, yes he makes me laugh but thats about it!

I want to feel what I felt with my naked chef, from the moment we met again after 30 odd years there were sparks, he touched my hand and it felt right, he totally invaded my space and I liked it (and thats not something I do like at all!!) and it wasnt just because it was exciting or naughty, it was because I felt so comfortable with him, everything fitted, and now writing this I know that Im really not ready for anyone else yet, but I shall still go out and have fun and maybe I will meet the right man for me at the right time, but for now I still feel like I met the right man at the very wrong time, and it sucks! the hardest thing is that never getting to say goodbye never getting to hear the words I dont want to be with you anymore, just being ignored is hard, I gave him the opportunity to say goodbye, asked for it even but his last reply was never to say goodbye just Au revoir, and that is worse, because I wait, and I cry and I miss him every day and I hate feeling like this! and every time I feel okay about it and I get used to not hearing from him some other person messages me and tells me that they miss me!! and that makes me stop and think!! and when some other guy tells me that im sexy that makes me think and I dont want to anymore!! Maybe I should delete all his pictures and messages, I think about doing it all the time, but then know that I would do everything In my power to get them back again.

I think what it boils down to is that I am an honest person, if I dont want to be with someone I will tell them, sooner rather than later as I dont think its fair on that person, if someone tells me that they like me and I dont like them the same way I have to let them know in the kindest possible way, I couldnt just ignore that person or lead them on.

I know in my heart that hes not saying goodbye because he dosnt want to, however just ignoring me breaks my heart, makes me feel all those horrid things that I felt with Alex, makes me feel insignifigant and invisible, and I know that I am important too, its very hard also when I dont actually have a bad word to say about this man! he is good and kind and loving and totally awsome! he is all I ever wanted in a man, except single and able to commit to me and me alone.

Normality resumed ish!

2009-07-18T10:00:00.003+01:00

Since Monday Ive been trying my change something or do something new every day to change the messed up rut my life seems to be stuck in! Ive not blogged it until now as I had the headache from hell which started on Wednesday!

So Tuesday I went to the Chiropractor, Ive suffered from headaches and neck pain for as long as I remember but to be honest Ive been reluctant to spend the money or not been able to afford to go to a chiropractor, now its got to the stage where I thought fuck it! I'm not getting any younger and if we don't eat quite so well for a couple of weeks I can afford it! SO I had my first actual session and after my initial consultation last week I know that my neck is leaning one way and my pelvis the other, which doesn't surprise me at all as I actually knew I felt off kilter and have done for ages! I am also quite flexible apparently which isn't always such a good thing as I can over compensate for the wonkyness and that then makes the pain worse!! it can also lead to bone spurs!! well that's no surprise after having surgery to have them removed 18 months ago!

So anyway the plan is to go to the Chiro, and pop over to dads and go to the Lingerie shop in Botley that an old work college of mine owns and buy something pretty! that was to be my new thing, I keep saying I will call in there and never do so Tuesday was to be the day, until No1 son calls me in tears as there has been yet another altercation at school and he cant take anymore, so I call the school and tell them that I am taking him out and he will not be returning, as after a year of hassle I am sick of the phone calls and sick of them not actually doing anything or taking any real action with the child that is causing this trouble! so my trip to the shop is thwarted as I cant go and try on underwear whilst a sulky teen is whinging that he wants to go home! so Tuesdays thing ends up being having lunch with my dad at a different place than we usually go, so that's OK! then Diz and I decided that cobwebs needed to be blown out and we would go for a power walk around Victoria Country park, the hardest thing is that it holds many many memories for both of us, but it was a lovely evening and we felt good after it.

Wednesday, Dizzy do and I are going to work then decided that actually its a bad idea so we decided to go to Hythe to see Donna, and the new thing is going to a different supermarket! we go to Morrisons over in Totton, (heck part of this experiment is supposed to be that you can meet your soul mate and I met my first love over cherry tomatoes in asda so I know this can work!!) on the way back the headache from hell started courtesy of chiro on Tuesday and I went home to bed for a couple of hours before our weekly walk and girlie chat session.

Thursday was unfortunately a total write off due to the head thing, so I sat on the sofa all day! I did start a wrap for Goodwood, which didn't involve too much movement, but spent most of it sleeping or just making sure that my head was higher than my shoulders when standing or sitting as bending down or picking things up made be go dizzy!

Friday I had another session at the chiro and picked up the ticket for the little shop of horrors which my friends daughter was staring in, it was a lovely evening, slightly marred by the fact that I had to sit still for ages and take mega tablets before to chill the head a bit!

Then when we got home I had a salad and sat for a bit, and an email arrived, why is it that when all you want is to hear that someone misses you you get a message from someone else telling you that they miss you! what the heck is that all about!! then of course it makes me cry like a big wossie as I miss the person that I want the message to be from so much and not the person that the message is actually from! flattering I know to have someone tell me that they cant stop thinking of me but also frustrating!

And here we are at Saturday, sleep was a bit evasive as I was back in that stupid missing him mode! and that's the last thing I need right now as I need to be stress free to elevate these blasted headaches until my neck is right!

day one of the change my life experiment!

2009-07-13T23:23:00.005+01:00

I read an article this morning at 4.23am! when I was rudely woken by the evil birdies outside my bedroom window, and it suggested that to radically change your life you need to make some changes! ie to meet your soul mate, or change your job or get more dosh, whatever it is you want in life you need to change the path you are on at the moment, so for the next 30 days I am going to try something new or go somewhere that Ive never been before!! even if its just as crazy as shopping in a different supermarket!
So today my sis and I went to
The Truth About Faeries exhibition at the guildhall in Southampton,

http://www.discoversouthampton.co.uk/news-detail.aspx?news=153

lots of the paintings and drawings were by Froud, whose stuff I love anyway, there were good faeries and bad faeries, some really rather evil looking ones and some beautiful ones, I cant actually remember the last time that I went to an art exhibition and it was really nice to do so! Froud and his wife had been to set up the installation themselves and he'd even drawn some line drawings on the walls of the exhibition and signed it! after we had been around all the paintings we had a look at the rest of the paintings and sculptures, most of them being rather wonderful until we came to the usual bollocks room that had the block of concrete that quite frankly looked like the one that came out of the hole in the ground in my garden when the new fence post went in! and the mattress modelled from dentists plaster apparently, bugger me that would have made a few impressions! it was a full sized double bed mattress!! WTF!!

Our favorite by far was the green thing! it was a leaf shape on the floor made up of 272 odd bits of green plastic crap that the "artist" had found all over the place and carefully arranged them in the shape of a leaf, now I know that for some these "installations" are "ART" but for me and for my sis and I know for Diz too they are total bollocks!! I do not see the point! and quite frankly think its rather an Emperors new clothes type thing, people will stand around and proclaim that they are inspired and that the artist was meaning this and that about it, when really they have no idea what it actually means but they have to say something for fear of being thought stupid and un-highbrow.

Well i shall admit that I do not understand it, I will hold my hands up and say, it looks like a pile of junk on the floor and have to control the urge to move bits of it about!!

I did however like the display of chairs and the safety cones placed by the door, wasn't sure if it was art or not though!

All in all a lovely day with my sis, so that's day one of the new life new me experiment, not sure what tomorrow will bring, got the chiro in the morning, then over to dads to deliver his garden power tool he lent me, then I may go and find a shop to buy something in that I've never shopped in and buy something that Ive never bought before!!

love you all and wish me luck!!

They say tis better to have loved and lost, personally I think thats bollocks!!

2009-07-11T21:59:00.003+01:00

All these old sayings are really rather annoying, I swear most of them are just so that people have something to say to try and make you feel better as you lament the loss of a loved one! when a relationship breaks down or ends or fizzles or has to end for whatever reason there is always someone willing to offer some such bollocks!!

Now yes in the greater scheme of things maybe it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but right now I think its a pile of pooh!! up until recently I don't think I have ever been loved! not truly madly deeply like what you are supposed to be loved! Not in the proper sense of what love is really about way, sure Ive had the I love yous and Ive loved people but not like this!! I'm not one to say I love you to any Tom Dick or Harry, I was 30 before I ever told anyone that I loved them, and that was something I found really hard, I had no control of my feelings, it swept me up and dragged me in and Id never felt like that before, and it scared the living daylights out of me! when it ended I cried for nearly a year, then I met the man who was to be my husband, the moment I saw him I knew Id marry him, I had no idea who he was, and no idea that it would be one of the craziest things id ever do! I did love him but more in the OMG I'm 31 and if my going to have kids id better get on with it way, which sounds awful, but it was an adventure, a huge mistake but an adventure, I had my kids and that was honestly the only good thing that came out of it!

I remember bumping into the original BF with my husband, I was pregnant and the ex BF was also then married and his wife pregnant at the same time as me, then we all bumped into each other again when the babies were born, and I still had that same pang, a couple of years later ex husb came home from the boot sale and told me that he's seen "that bloke you used to live with" and that his wife was pregnant again, my heart stood still, it still hurt!! it wasn't until about 6 years ago when I next bumped into him and the feelings had all gone!! since then yes I've had relationships, yes I've been fond and had a sort of love, but never like that was until now.

And right now, I feel that having found that love, having experienced proper all consuming wonderful love that is quite frankly a forbidden love, losing it is bollocks! it totally sucks!! more so knowing that its not actually lost but still hugely there but unobtainable is even suckier!!! knowing that someone loves you as much as you love them is so bloody hard!

I love my life and family and friends, I am lucky I am blessed by all that I have and the love that my friends give me, I have the freedom to do what I want when I want to pretty much, my kids love me (and my wallet!) I have been blessed with creativity, I have pretty good health now, I have pretty good will power, when I set my mind to something I can do anything, and I like myself, for a long time I would ask why me? why am I the unlucky one who cant find love, why am I always the one to sacrifice my love and my feelings, but obviously these people were not right for me, someone told me that id obviously never been appreciated before, that they hadn't seen me.

He saw me, he knew who I was and really saw me, didn't want anything from me, he just wanted me, and I just wanted him, and I will treasure the bits of beach and sea worn glass and the shells sat on my windowsill until the end of my days, because he loves me and I love him, and I know in my heart that we will be us again one day... .. .

finish my shoulder hug!!

2009-07-05T13:46:00.004+01:00

I have actually loved knitting this shoulder hug, I love Noro with a passion anyway and love the colours and the transitions so this pattern is perfect for using the sock yarn.

on each colour change there is a transition from pearl to knit and a row of YO's I am so pleased with it!! it is lovely and light yet also warm as its wool and blocked beautifully!

I really need to get some more of the blocking squares though, when I bought these ones from
http://cocoknits.com/block/knittersblock.html
there was only the option of getting a 9 tile set, now they do an 18 tile set which I think would be better, especially for shawls etc, stupid thing is I only ever set them up on the lounge floor and then have to scrabble around on my knees chucking wires in and pinning, what I should really do is set them up on the kitchen table, but I never remember this until after the event! DOH! fail!!

but I am very very happy with the result and will be starting the next one in the Noro silk garden sock yarn that I bought at the same time, the yardage isnt quite the same but it will still make a lush wrap, may treat myself to another ball and make an even bigger one to swathe myself in!!

I actually went out on Friday night!! shock horror!! Dizi was invited to a wedding reception of an old friend and I went along as her plus one! (Ed never likes these things!) as I know the bride and groom anyway it wasn't really a problem, they are childhood friends for Diz Ive only known them over the last 10ish years, as Hi how are you people if you know what I mean, my other friend Karen was (is, but its complicated!) married to the brides brother, and so there were actually lots of people there i'd not seen in ages! the reception was in a huge marquee in one of their fields, disco, 2 bouncy castles, hog roast, full bar and lots and lots of people, it was a totally splendid wedding, and Beth looked beautiful, we are all so used to seeing her in riding boots and jodhpurs and covered in muck and straw that to see her in a beautiful cream dress was lovely!

The other daft thing is that all the kids are now all teens! and in the days that we all went out drinking together they were all little people! lots of them now are drinking and smoking and driving themselves about and as Id not seem them all for a couple of years its most odd!!

All in all a good time was had by all! met some lovely new people, including a lovely girl who was so full of life! I commented on her lovely dress and we got chatting, she was an old friend of Beth's, and had moved to Norfolk to be with her man, so hadn't been about for a long time, she was so bright and excited by life! her chap was lovely too, and as she bounded off to the dance floor he stayed to chat with myself and Paul another friend and told us of how they got together, he said he was totally in awe of her and adored every last bit of her, you could see that was the case by the way he looked at her! they had know each other years before when he was married and she had worked for him, and had been friends and nothing more, then one day he realised after 23 years that he couldn't be married anymore, and left for Norfolk to live in his brothers pool house, just before that Christmas he though of her and called her totally out of the blue to see if she would like to spend Christmas with him, and they've never looked back! I love a good romance! it always gives me faith that one day I will get it right! one day someone will look at me like that, one day someone will tell a total stranger how much he loves me, and tell our story.

spitting bloody feathers!

2009-06-30T15:44:00.002+01:00

My highly annoying daughter wants a new school skirt! its July tomorrow and so 23 days until the end of term! so I am phoning around all the shops I can think of to try and find her a pleated skirt because the one that she has is too small! then I find out that the reason it looks wrong and needs replacing is that the stupid girl has actually been wearing it back to front for months! DOH! no wonder it looks wrong!

Now its round the right way and she dosent like it as the pleats are at the back and she wants them at the front! quite frankly I am not in the mood to be pissed around with today! and its probably not a good idea for me to drive a car! any road rage and im quite likely to ram the buggers!

I have compleated the second skein of my purple passion yarn and just about to wind it onto the niddy noddy, and start with the next 2 bobbins, at least my wheel dosent let me down or piss me off!

Im such a numpty sometimes!!

2009-06-28T10:57:00.002+01:00

I was sat here reading the Ravelry forums as I tend to do most days, as most of us do! and there was a post from someone saying what they had spun from 2oz of fiber, same wpi and lenth as my recent skein, but half the weight! so I think I really must remeasure my niddy noddy, and sure enough its actually 2 meters not one!! doh!!!

so my mathmatical skills popped into play and low and behold I have 356 meters (389 yds) of lush merino and will have plenty for my shawl project!!

yummy yummy yarn!

2009-06-26T19:12:00.003+01:00

This is the first time that I'm actually spinning towards a project, the idea was DK but I've ended up with fingering! bugger!! I really need one of those spinners gauges lol! but have yet to find someone who supplies them in this country, so if anyone hears of one let me know!!

Anyways this little beauty is the first skein done, I did 2 bobbins full and then I've plyed it on a woolie winder, that a Friend lent me, I am definitely getting one!! so much quicker! no stopping and starting as you spin or ply and an even filling of the bobbins! love it!! so far I've only actually done just over half of the bobbins I filled for this skein. so far I have 178 mtrs (194 yds) 20 wpi 97g (3.10 oz)
and I have 600g in total of the fiber so I should get about 1100mtrs (1202 yds) if all goes to plan!!

The pattern calls for 1140 yards of dk so mine will be finer I'm sure it will work fine as its a lovely easy pattern, but at the same time beautiful I think!
anyway watch this space, as the spun to finished item appears, please don't hold breath though as I have several WIPS going at the moment!! I must say I am enjoying spinning long draw and have a good rhythm going now, its so much quicker than what I was doing before!! and the yarn is coming out rather well balanced! this skein is hanging beautifully already and once washed and whacked will be perfect though I do say so myself!!
The pattern I'm using is this one http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/shawl-that-jazz

On a non knitting note, Ive had a lovely day with Tori who has had an inset day from school, it was a mummy daughter day and shopping for her was involved, included the ohing and ahing over dresses!! dresses!! my girl wanting dresses! I had a moment coming out of M&S remembering how my mum and I would shop together and I know that she would have loved today with Tori, and would have been so proud as to how she is turning out.

I have also this week received a note from Jake's school praising him to new heights and saying what a pleasure he is to teach right now!! I was so proud! my heart nearly burst! then the kids found out that daddy dearest was in Stafford again with his ex and her kids and all hell broke loose with him making Jake cry!! he is such a mean spirited man!! all Jake wanted to do was talk to his dad, and he got a blasting as Alex didn't like the fact that the kids knew he was there again! how bloody stupid!! he told Jake that he didn't have to tell him where he was as it was none of his business and that if he wanted to know stuff then he'd tell him stuff like the fact that he had wanted to take them to Disney Paris once and I had said no!!

The fact of the matter was that 6 years (yes this is the man who says the past is past!!) ago he asked if he could take them, and yes I had said no, my children where 7 years old and he would let them sleep in wet beds! there was no way I was going to let this man take them to France!! then when he did actually go with the current ex and her kids he didn't even tell my kids he was going! and certainly didn't bring them anything back!! he also couldn't find them anything suitable in New York or New Zealand! now isn't that terrible!! neither of those places have any souvenirs to bring home! appalling!

Anyway Jake and I talked last night and realised that every time hes been in trouble at school its just after hes seen his dad, the man is poison!! and hes decided that hes not going to let it happen anymore!

Ive sadly neglected my writing of late, not just because Ive been spinning and knitting but because I am finding it hard not to write about me and my heart, I am finding it difficult right now to make sense of things and life and why things happen the way they do, I love my life and love my friends and family, I have no worries about being on my own, I like my own company but I feel cheated right now! I know that things happen for a reason but its so very hard to see what that reason is sometimes, why re introduce someone into your life, who is totally totally perfect, who fits and who loves you as you love them, why let fate bring you together when its so hard to actually be together, its so painful what is this teaching us? I wish I knew!

After so many years with Alex, being ignored and treated like a second class citizen, being shouted down and belittled, then the years with Steve being told that I was over weight, unsexy one minute and loved and adored the next, being dumped on a regular basis, and then proposed to, spending days not knowing where he was with no word and then being told that he'd slept with who ever and they where better than me. And then that he couldn't live without me, I really feel that its my turn to be happy! my turn to be adored!!

I would at this moment in time like to ask the Universe to sort it out!! I am ready for my prince! I am ready for my knight in shining armour to arrive at my door and whisk me away on his stead! I am ready to love him likes hes never been loved before and ready to accept all the love he wants to chuck at me! Life is for living, for loving and for laughing!! and its my turn!!

Saying goodbye to my Auntie Betty

2009-06-18T20:39:00.003+01:00

Today was spent with my family, my auntie died last week, she was my mums older sister, it was something that we had been expecting for some time now as she had been ill for a long time, and to be honest we never thought that mum would pass away 3 years before she did!

So my sister and my dad and I traveled to Ruislip for the funeral, we've never been a close family, I suppose the link was broken when mum died, my cousins are both older than my sister and I and where they have always lived in Middlesex and we moved down to Fareham when I was small it was more a case of the odd visit here and there.

We'd not all been together since mums funeral 3 years ago, prior to that my cousins hadn't seen each other for donkeys years as they had fallen out!

Anyway my Auntie Betty had always been a bit dippy to say the least and in the last few years uncle Dennis would say that she had Altzeimers and she would say he had dementia! you can imagine what the phone conversations where like! he'd call me sometimes to ask me what dads phone number was, take 30 Min's to write it down then call dad and ask for my number!

So today we were a tad worried that he'd actually booked the funeral at all! luckily my cous' took over and got it organised, we got there early and waited for them to arrive, my uncle driving!!! this man is 84, has one eye, a hunch back and a gammy leg and can bearly walk! and hes driving!!

there were just 12 people there, it was the smallest funeral I've ever been to! how sad is that, 84 years on this planet and only 12 people there to say goodbye to you, it is most odd, there must have been near on 200 people at mums. So the afternoon was spent in the British legion which is uncle Dennis's domain, with platefuls of sandwiches and sausage rolls, and my uncle asking my sis 400 odd times where she is living now, and telling me that Ive grown! he also mentioned that he liked dads beard, my dad is 74 and has had a beard since he was 23!! (and this man is still driving!!)

It was a mad mad day, lovely to see my cousins and our usual vow to keep in touch more often, which we really should do as they are great guys and very funny, my poor old uncle has an amazing memory of the past but that's about it really, apparently he was never told that I have a son, despite all the pics of the twins at their flat!

The saddest thing of all is my sis and I both remember this tall strong healthy man, who had been a stone mason by trade, holding both of his arms out to the side and us hanging of one each! and now we could pick him up and pop him in our enormous hand bags!

my lovely sis also thought that she had the last laugh as she said, as we were leaving that she was amazed that Id actually not got my knitting with me as I always had it, so i whipped open my jordanna paige Rio and got my WIP out! HA!!!

All in all a lovely send off to a sweet somewhat batty old lady, who bought me charlie perfume for years because I liked it once, and who would send bizarre parcels at Christmas, usually padded out with umpteen Sunday news of the world magazines! they must have cost a fortune to post! half of the presents would be wrapped with no labels and the others just chucked in, we would have to guess who had what! my dad usually got blue stratos! or old spice! the last time i spoke to her was after mum died when she told me the my mum had been a really nice lady, which was an odd thing to say about her younger sister, but then again that was her, she was kind and sweet and very very innocent, and I wish that her last few months had been kinder,I will always remember the funny things she would do or say with great affection, in may ways my mum was the oldest.

On Monday 22nd we will go out to lunch and probably buy something frivolous in honour of my mum, who died 3 years ago, its times like this that I really miss her.

Love you mum, back to taking care of your big sister, I hope she doesn't drive you too crazy! RIP Auntie Betty, No more pain.

A good wacking works!!

2009-06-11T17:04:00.003+01:00

as it turned out after washing and wacking rather soundly ( I needed to get some stress out!!) the skein has turned out rather well balanced and even, so im really really pleased with it, it is soft and bouncy, and I shall spin the other half of the fiber up to match this one and hopefully have enough for a pair of socks, not hard wearing ones but bed socks. we shall see, or it will become another shawl, as I do love them!!

daisy daisy......cont......

2009-06-10T23:55:00.002+01:00

sorry not much time for the blogging of the new wheel at the moment too much time spent actually spinning on her!! she is absolutly flawless!! i loved learning to spin on the Ashford but this is a totally different feel! loving the DT, loving all about her, ive not quite got to grips with the ratio thing as yet, having been used to the ashford that had none at all im kind of used to just treddaling faster or slower! im sure i will use them at some point! going to get my woolie winder at the end of the month too, well as soon as I get paid, then the ratio thing will go out of the window anyway! lol!! i wanted to see if I would be happy without having one, but i like the whole, start her up and keep going thing, especially now that ive learnt long draw!! what a revelationt that is!! wasnt sure if I would get the hang of it, but its really very easy, as long as the fiber is well prepped.

|Next thing I can see me getting is a drum carder! lol!! i would have great fun with that, Ive been watching various you tube videos on drum carding, and I think that would be a useful thing to have next!

anyway here are some more pics, my first "proper" skein, its a bit over spun in a couple of sections, where I was getting used to the draw etc, but all in all not too bad, not quite as well balanced as my skeins have become on the ashford, but hey for a first attempt on a new wheel, im happy, I only did 126meters of this, from a bout 100g of fiber, 2 ply, yet to do the whole lace weight thing, but to be honest, I wont knit laceweight so whats the point of making it!!

Daisy Daisy!

2009-06-07T22:47:00.004+01:00

So busy spinning on my lovely new Lendrum DT, that ive not had time to blog about her! anyway, just briefly, shes called Daisy and I am in big big love!!

couple more pics for now and I'll wax lyrical tomorrow!!

2009-06-05T10:32:00.003+01:00

Omg!!!! She's finally here!!!

2009-06-05T10:32:00.001+01:00

sadly neglected blog!!

2009-06-03T09:11:00.004+01:00

My poor blog!! ive not come to visit you for a few days now and feel very bad!! I took a whole load of pics to add whilst I was away but havent dont it so far! how bad am I!!!

Ok, so first things first, I had a most splendid week in branscombe, the weather was awsome and my stress levels where zero! the kids where great fun and we had a lovely time together! I can't wait to get back down there in August, or before If i can get there!! to be honest a grown up weekend would be fab!!!

Since we've been back, they kids have fallen back into the usual pattern of leaving stuff all over the place, filling any spaces that ive cleared with whatever junk that they happen to have in their hands!! I know for a fact that all kids are the same, its the very very rare few who actually keep their rooms tidy and do as they are told so I shall just put up with it until the buggers leave home!!

I started my noro sock yarn shawl too,
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/gaia-shoulder-hug

(wish i knew how to do links!! ggrrgghh!!)

I totally love all of the Anne Carroll Gilmour
patterns, the tantric puzzle top is hers too and ive got several others of hers queued, she seems to design for real women, and If designed stuff it would be stuff like hers, go check her out, well worth a look!!

This particular shawl isnt knitted to the pattern exactly as I was in Devon when I decided to start it and couldnt work out how to get the pattern on my iphone! so i sort of winged it!! the next one will be to the pattern!! mine only has one stitch at the edge and should have K2 on the edge on both sides and theres a transition stage which I totally bypassed! still it looks nice but the garter edges will make it neater at the edges! never mind I'll still love it! but the silk garden sock will be done the right way.

This shoulder hug shawl is in the Noro Kureyon sock yarn, that I bought at Fiddlesticks in Honiton, I love this shop, I always make a trip there when im on holiday, we have no really good yarn shops in and around southampton! all the shops sell are the bog standard stuff, there is not one that stocks Noro!! so I make sure I pop in to Fiddlesticks and stock up!! I love this stuff!! I also bought a skein of the silk garden lite sock yarn.

I love the colours, the transitions and love the feel of the yarn as I knit with it, Ive read a few people say that Its breaking easily but ive not had a problem so far, and to be honest its easy enough to spit splice it if it does break! and ive only had a couple of bits of twig as well. Not too sure if I would actually do any socks with this though, I might find them a bit on the thick side, we shall see, all in all this yarn is lovely!

I also had a look at the new bergere de france yarn

Aromalaine

now im not too sure on this, the colours are really weird, but thats personal taste I know, they are rather non discript, and they are tiny balls, the idea is rather good, in that it has microcapsules containing essential oil of Niaouli,
these are good through at least 20 wash cycles, and its supposed to feel nice when its being knitted up, I dont know about you but I like to knit with yarn that instantly grabs me with its feel, hence I usually only buy yarn on line that Ive squished before in real life! and this stuff feels rather rough, but again from the blurb as you knit with it it softens as the oils are released onto your hands.

The back so far

2009-05-26T22:36:00.003+01:00

Really enjoyable knit

2009-05-26T22:36:00.001+01:00

This modern quilt wrap is a really nice knit for me, some people on ravelry have said that they have been bored knitting it, but I like the colour changes and the challange of weaving all the end in as I go.

Picked up a tip on rav though, instead of doing a Russian join or a spit splice there was a suggestion of knitting to end of row, unknitting last 3 stitches and then folding yarn at the point in the yarn that the 3 stitches use and joining the new yarn there making 2 loops knitting then with double, thus weaving I'm ends as you knit forward, I'll find the link, I'm rubbish as written explainations!

Anyway what I have been doing is use this method but knit one half of the stitches, then wrap the yarn around the needle the same amount of times as stitches to work out roughly where the end of the row will be, do join and this give a good long bit of weaving, looks nice and neat on the back too! And I've no ends to weave in at all! Result!

Funniest birthday card ever!!!

2009-05-25T18:29:00.001+01:00

It says.......

Dogs and cats are better than kids because
They eat less, don't ask for money.......

....and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Birthday knitting!!

2009-05-25T18:28:00.001+01:00

Started on the modern quilt wrap that I queued months and months ago! Decided last night I wanted something different on my lap for a while!

So I cast on last night, first square was a bit hit and miss with ends etc, now decided how I am going to weave in ends as I go and how I'm going to do it.

As with valentines day and Christmas my birthday has also been one of those days when I feel rather sad, the valentines day ghosts where banished and now the birthday ones have been eradicated too! I have had a lovely day, starting at midnight with a lovely message of love and birthday greetings! These have been coming throughout the day and I feel very loved and very contented!

The kids bought me a card they chose themselves and it totally cracked me up!

Birthday knitting!

2009-05-25T18:19:00.001+01:00

sometimes you just know its time!!

2009-05-18T09:54:00.002+01:00

Sat yesterday knitting away and watching catch up TV from the week whilst one of the evil pixies was at her best friends and one was with his dad (girl evil cant be arsed to go out with her dad as she can go to town any time and he never opens his wallet!)

So anyway there I am cracking on with my tantric puzzle top, when I notice that Ive K when I should have P and P when I should have K!! so I whip the needles out and frog back to where I should have P then K and K then P and re do the last 4 rows, then carry on, a bit later in the evening I do it again!! this is just a K3-P3 rib for crying out loud!! I just get carried away with the monotony of it! and forgot to switch over after 12 rows! Doh!

So I'm going to knit something else today just to ring the changes! I have had the modern quilt wrap (really really wish I knew how to do links!) by Mags Kandison my queue ever since I first saw it! and Ive had the yarn all that time too!! however I did go for

Crystal Palace Yarns Kid Merino rather than the rowan Kid silk Haze as I couldn't justify spending that much! so I have 9 balls of the kid merino which should do 2 shawls, one for me and one for sis hopefully for Xmas, Ive matched the colours as best I could, when I first queued this pattern I as a real novice knitter and actually couldn't understand how it was worked! I dragged the pattern out yesterday and read it through and went Oh yes! that's really easy why didn't I do this before! not only that It will be a grand travel project to take down to Devon with me as the balls of yarn are tiny and its will all go in my Rio, I will take my tantric with me too, as I want that finished, cant wait to see how it looks on! hopefully it will suit me otherwise I will have to give it to someone! and I have no idea who!!

Right gotta go and get some more washing in, and make some coffee! its 10am and Ive not had any yet!

weight loss in the UK

2009-05-14T18:05:00.003+01:00

Watching the biggest looser at the moment, what the heck is wrong with these people!! they have been given this opportunity to loose weight and they jepordise themselves all the time!, winge when someone is doing well and winning stuff, and fall over all the time! If it wasnt for the fact that it was on the telly id be there like a shot!! no one else to look after just me, and training and no housework!! yes I know they train hard but heck!!! it would be so worth it, food supplied, bliss!!!

In between each ad break there are ads for "the one week diet system" apparantly this has taken the diet world by storm as its not like any other diet on the market, because you take this stuff alongside a proper diet and exersise and you will loose weight "ONE WEEK AT A TIME!!!!" nice marketing!!! how the hell else are you going to loose it!! and lets face it if you are on a sensible diet including exersise then yes you are going to loose weight!

Then we have the new Alli tablets again, healthy diet just low fat this time, as this new wonderdrug stops you absorbing too much of the wrong fats, they advise you not to take the pill if you have no fat in your meal as it wont work, and if you have too much fat in your meals then you will pay!! apparantly you will spend most of the day in the bathroom! wonderful!!

lets face it we all know the best way to loose weight is to change your diet, not go on a diet!!! and to exersise, the most stupid thing is I actually love exersise! i used to go to the gym 3 times a week and got such a huge buzz from it! so i really should get off my butt and do some as I know id feel better!! tomorrow, thats it, the training machine is coming out again!!

poking needles in stuff

2009-05-14T16:30:00.003+01:00

Ive spent today needle felting, accomplishing nothing really, but have enjoyed stabbing needles in fiber, to be honest I've kept away from fiber recently as I am really missing spinning, I didn't want to start anything before my wheel arrived and I'm still still still waiting, to be honest I'm getting rather pissed off with waiting for everything in my life right now, the daft thing is that I know that I have often settled in the past for both relationships and stuff because its what was available there and then, so maybe this is what I need to do, wait, be patient, and put up or shut up!

The joys of knitting

2009-05-13T19:47:00.005+01:00

Today I decided to have a lazy day, mainly including knitting, and a bit of washing (well the machine did the washing actually, I just loaded and unloaded it) and tomorrow I plan to do the same, sort of thing hoping that the sun will shine and I may get some rays whilst sorting the front garden.

I also decided today that I would now start knitting each section of the tantric top separately as it will go along quicker that way, and rather than loosing count all the time as I am want to do, I fashioned a new row counter out of jump rings and a little charm that I have oddles of.

And its great, all I've been doing is move the rings along towards the hearts, and I'm actually not loosing count! why I never did this before I have no idea!!

I'm also still using my knit picks, Harmonys which have changed name in the UK to Knit Pro, I love these needles, they are so much easier to knit with I find than long Pins, even though I have a full set of Brittanys! I like to use them for things like squares for blankets but for bigger projects I love the harmonys. I inherited all of Mums needles but they are all either metal or plastic and they just sit in a pot.

Ive got a full set of Addis too, which I use for magic looping, and my sock knitting, and the Pink Deniese set which I bought when I was new and knew no better, I like these for what I call "fat" knitting, when I need more grip than slip! they don't have the pointyness (note the technical terminology I use!!) which makes them perfect for those fine yarn big needle projects like quick shawls that you want to do on 12mm or 15mm needles. I also disagree with many who say that they cant magic loop with the Denise cords, all I say to that is bad workmen and all that!! I can do it, so anyone can!!

time for chicken curry a la low carb for me, I really must get a grip back where the weight is concerned!! not that I am or ever really have been that worried about it, I'm me and Ive been comfortable as to who I am for a few years now, but there does sometimes come the days when your bones ache!! and that's normally when I reign in the sugar eating and stop with the bread and pasta etc! I know that these foods make me poorly!! but I eat them just the same, I have no idea why!!!

1st section done!

2009-05-11T21:28:00.001+01:00

This has taken ages but it will hopefully be a mega top! Need to do 42 inches of this, this is 12 so far, least it's mindless tv knitting which is nice, really really missing spinning at the mo, but so reluctant to start anything til daisy gets here! Still on fingers crossed for her to arrive before the half term hols, so I can take her to Devon for the week.

Right on with the next section, 18" this time!!

Saturday used to be a walk in the park!

2009-05-09T14:39:00.004+01:00

Im sat here having wasted rather a lot of time this morning playing myst! dragged into the virtual world of it, solving puzzles! I am approaching 47 years of age!! surely there is more to a saturday than this! lol!!

I loved the early saturdays this year, walking down by the sea, its not the same doing it on your own! and until the time is right I wont be doing that! I do often wonder what Im really here for, we are given one life, and I feel sometimes like im wasting mine! I have no great yearning to go out, which sounds sad I suppose, but I really dont want to! I like my own company and staying in, I like being able to do whatever I want, when I want it, I have found it hard over the years to find someone who I actually want to spend time with however now I have, now ive finally met someone who I want to go out with/stay in with, do everything with and its impossible at the moment!!!!! and its slowly driving me nuts! what is it with timing! what is it with the planets that they cant just align for me just this once!!! I would like to say, please may my secret agent have 24 hours leave! I miss him!!!

No I do not want to date you!!!

2009-05-08T13:46:00.002+01:00

Blogging for me has been a natural progression from diary and notebook keeping over the years, writing what you are feeling or thinking helps to clarify things I feel and whenever I needed to get a perspective on the world in general I would write to myself, I would also write to the person who had either upset me, Id fallen in love with or upset me because Id fallen in love with them and they'd not fallen in love with me!

these letters wouldnt ever be sent but they would make me feel better! sometimes they would be sent, and if I was really lucky the person recieving them would feel the same way. I started doing this way way back, I like the written word, I'm not that good at spelling them half the time but I like to write, I also like to read lots so I suppose its a natural progression.

Anyway my blogging life started on Myspace, it was a place to vent my spleen and then i found that people liked reading what id written and i carried on, I have a few entries on facebook, but its getting confusing swipping and swapping from this one which was started as a knitting blog to facebook etc, so I'm just writing here now.

Which brings me to today's gripe, well its an old one really, why oh why oh why, do the spammers turf up at every opportunity!!?? I am on twitter as you know and I get several new "followers" a day who are....I from UK, I like radio 1, I 21 and like Internet and party......wtf!!! do they honestly think that because they say they like radio 1 we will think that they are real people!!!

I used to get lots of the Nigerian scammers on myspace and took great delight in winding them up! I can spot one a mile off!! pretty much like I can spot fake "daters" and most Internet nasties! some are not so fortunate!! like one of my friends who had had several messages on facebook that she was unsure of, straight off I could see the standard Nigerian scammeresk type of message! she didn't have a clue.

So just for the record, I do not want to date a 21 years old fun party girl, I will not send you money, I do not want a penis enlargement (i don't actually have one of my own!) I do not want 1000,000,000 followers on twitter! I will pick and choose who I follow! I do not need to know how to turn my spit, nail clippings, old tissues into cash, I am not interested in marketing my small business, I do not want to marry an Asian girl!! (WTF!!!)

All in all I sound like a grumpy old lady! good! maybe they will leave me alone............... I doubt it!!!!

3.2.1.

Spot the deliberate mistake!!

2009-05-06T21:28:00.001+01:00

Teens at last!!

2009-05-06T21:27:00.001+01:00

My babies are 13!! They have had a lush day despite the fact that 'daddy' arrived with the usual huge pressie for jake, huge in size that is and a football top for tori yet again!! She hid it well but I had to leave the room! They both wanted money as they had big pressies they wanted and rather than help towards that he did the usual. He gave jake a guitar, one which jake knows he saw in his room a few weeks ago, chips and all! And the football top wasn't the one that tori wanted. What made it worse is that jake Didnt have enough money for the ps3 that he wanted.

Today we went to town to see if we could get a prenowned ps3 jake went off to look and went into game, and who should he bump into but his dad, buying the only pre owned ps3 in the shop, for himself!!! My poor boy was devistated! Apparantly he had sold his lap top to be able to afford it! Yeah right!!

Anyway the upshot is that I raided the birthday card my dad gave me for mine at the end of the month, and paid the extra towards the ps3 with that, his arse is mine now! And he's on gardening duty for the forseeable! And as for their dad, he will realise one day that he's lost his kids! And that's tough luck!

13 years ago.........

2009-05-04T20:42:00.002+01:00

I honestly cant believe that my babies are going to be 13 tomorrow!! where did the years go? how on earth did all that time pass!! I don't actually feel any older, I do feel happier than I did then I must admit, I found the whole experience of being pregnant and having 2 babies at the same time rather stressful, mainly I think as I really did it all on my own! their dad was and still is totally useless when it comes to parenting! I find it exasperating! and I know the kids do too, Jake went out with his dad for the day yesterday, Tori was already busy so didn't go, Jake text me to tell me that his dad had forgotten that it was their birthday on Tuesday! how the heck does that happen!!! it should be the most important date in his life!

Anyway many hints were dropped that as it is a first teen birthday the present allocation should be greater!! we shall see! please do not hold breath at this!

Its also coming up to my birthday at the end of the month, and I was talking to my sis about birthdays in general, dad had said a few weeks ago that he thought that when he paid for my glasses at Xmas that that had covered my birthday pressie as well this year, I was gutted!! not that I want a huge pressie or anything, but the thought of nothing to open from my daddy made me so sad! and both Kath and he took the piss out of me as I told them that my birthday was in fact sacred and that I had to have a pressie!! every year I am still daft enough to think that magic will happen just because its my birthday! and i suppose I will believe that til the end of days!

The underlying thing is that I miss my "mummy" pressies, I will never again have one of those special pressies that only a mummy can give you, it didn't have to cost much, it just had to be found and bought and wrapped with love, and known that it would bring joy, my mum was a real sceptic where horoscopes and magic and tarot etc was concerned but she knew that I believed, and one year she bought me a book of spells, just because she knew that I would love it, and what made me love it more was the fact that I knew she thought it was a load of rubbish, but she had gone out and found it for me just because she knew I would love it!

So I wasn't upset with dad saying he wasn't going to spend any money on me, that doesn't matter, it makes no odds, it the thoughtfulness of a present that makes my heart sing, but the thought of never having one of those love presents again makes me sad, so this year as with every other celebration that I'm up against I'm going away, I'm off to Devon this year, probably treat the kids and I to lunch and then spend the day in the sunshine hopefully! luckily I had a lovely valentines day this year which cured me from the valentines day curse, so at least I don't have that one to haunt me anymore!

Gilmor girls

2009-05-04T20:10:00.001+01:00

Just watching todays episode and there is Tory and dean 'making out' in the car parked in the woods, gosh! Those wonderful days of car makeout!! How exciting!!

New hair!!!

2009-05-04T19:33:00.001+01:00

I am so happy! My daughter has told me I look much younger with my new gggrrrhhh (her words!) hair!! I must admit I'm feeling pretty damn sexy!! Which can't be a bad thing!! Will need some more new pics now!!

Todo lists

2009-05-04T19:30:00.001+01:00

Since I bought my iPhone I have installed numerious apps as we are want to do when we are gadget geeks! I did the same with all my palmtops I've had over the years, I have game apps, blog apps, diary apps, knitting Apps (of course!!!) tarot apps, map apps and of course a todo list app.

I love lists, diz and I will make lists at the beginning of each week for work, I make shopping lists, knitting lists, holiday lists, party lists, if there is something to be done there will be a list! Unfortunatly that dosent always Mean that the things will get done straight away!

So probably about 10 days ago I madeba todo list, there are oddles of things on it! Mainly gardening and housework stuff! Garden ones are still there! They will get done, I'm sure at some point!! Today I have done all the laundry ones!! And how silly it only took me 30 mins!!

Mind you I do need to go through my wardrobe which is full of stuff I'll never wear again! One day at a time eh!!!

football and other stories!

2009-05-02T19:17:00.002+01:00

Forgot to say, My girlie went off to football this morning, and was saying on the way how she wished that she could score a goal during a match as she does when shes at practice, so I told her that she would today.

I got a call after the match to say that the score was 5/2 against them but that she had scored the second goal!! I was so pleased for her! hopefully it will boost her confidence and help her to score loads in the future!!

My darling boy is upstairs with his friend doing goodness knows what online and all of a sudden Limewire pops up on my laptop!! I have told them that they are never to use it as it messes with everything and can carry all sorts of rubbish onto our computers and his mates laptop has decided to "share" his limewire files with us as hes on my network! I went totally nuts!! so right now I'm very glad of my wireless dongle! as I've cut the buggers off!!! ever since I've been the only one using this laptop Ive had no problems whatsoever!! both he and his sister have messed up at one time or another, but there is no way that I'm going to loose my flippin connection!!

blooming kids!!!

kissing!!

2009-05-02T18:32:00.002+01:00

Just switched on the TV for primeval, and the end of Mr & Mrs is on, and just before the ad break Phil Scofe is asking Peter Shilton what does he think is his wifes favorite kiss of the day, and he starts by answering, sometimes we dont kiss at all!!

Gosh! theres me thinking how on earth does anyone live like that, then I remember how it had been with my ex husb and I! its kind of sad really!! He would go off to bed and be halfway up the stairs before he said goodnight to me, and I would sadly ask him for a kiss, he said that because I asked he felt like I was telling him what to do and why should he!! and so it went on! for an awful long time, and believe me it was awful! I dissolved into invisibility, became someone who I didnt know and Im so glad that Im me again!

I love kissing! I could never be in that sort of situation again where my partner/husband whoever didnt want to kiss me at least a million times a day!! its the best thing ever and should be made available on the national health!! along with buckets full of laughter and giggles!! I want to be like my dad and little M when im their age! still holding hands and just loving being together, no matter where or what you are doing.

Sunshine!!

2009-05-01T17:16:00.001+01:00

Isn't it strange how once the sun is shining we are all happier!! Actually the sun makes you smile but knowing that you are loved makes the sun shine!!

Been really busy today, running around with work, stupidly I forgot to bring any water with me!! Ggrrrrh! So went to get some at the next clean as they have a tap, plan being to go back on myself a couple if times which Diz knows I hate!! I plan my day and my route so I go in one direction! It seems counter productive to go back on yourself! Anyway I get to clean 3 and get it done but then realize that actually I need food! As my hands are shaking!! Sort of forgot that! Doh!! So I'm now going to work a couple of hours tomorrow morning now, still smiling of course, what a difference it makes in your world when you feel safe and adored! Gosh!!

2009-04-30T19:43:00.001+01:00

unfortunately a bit of a rubbish picture! but its stretched loads, I thought it would and is looking lovely!! I'm really pleased with how this turned out, yet to take a pic of the finished article, but sufice to say its soft and drapey and I love the way it looks, I need to drag my tailors dummy out of the loft to use as a model!! may just send a small child (joke!! as i don't own one of these!! but I do own a bendy teen!) and then I will have a proper model for my works of love!!

the knitting is finished! the cloud has lifted!

2009-04-30T19:38:00.000+01:00

I finished the cloud the other night and totally forgot to post the pictures!
it is rather squishy and soft but im going to block this one to see what it is like
as it is, its rather lumpy!!

Gosh!

2009-04-30T15:27:00.003+01:00

I am a great believer in fate and karma and K sa rah, but I am also an inpatient bunny so even though I believe what will be will be I still want whatever will be to be now!!

And for the past few weeks I have been sad and somewhat addrift, ive never had that before, never had the feeling that someone was a part of me and when that someone was away from me that I dont function as well!! we all have our doubts and worries, and as a woman we always think that we are the only ones that are reminded of someone we love by silly things, we also think that little signs mean something. But this simply isnt true, men feel the same way as us and That makes my heart sing!

We all as human beings question love and our loves, we think that we are being silly if we show our hand too soon, or tell someone that we love them first, its a risk of course but sometimes we have to take that risk or we loose out! and yes sometimes we take that risk and the other person dosent feel the same way, but that is part of life and we have to move on.

Anyway, today I decided that I needed a sign, and I got one!! I had the best sign ever! and I am happy and content knowing that meerkats and boots the chemist and a country park are special! *** ** *

Tantric puzzle top

2009-04-29T23:10:00.002+01:00

The pattern shows two panels stitched together and twisted but I've done it as one, and will split into two after the 12 ish inches then knit together but with two balls then twist them before rejoining at the end, if I can get away without seaming I will!! I've also done the two halves in different stitches, a 3 x 3 rib on one which I'm swapping after each 12 rows to give an elongated checkerboard effect and then the other panel is in zigzag stitch, I cast on 72 stitches on each side of a marker.

Dorset buttons

2009-04-29T23:04:00.001+01:00

Made 8 buttons for my boucle wrap, 4 for each side and I'm hopeing that it will button in different ways, going to get on with the loops tomorrow, would have done it today but wanted to get on with the tantric puzzle top, it's a pattern on rav, and so clever! Hopefully it will work on me! Using the sirdar soya which was on sale at hobbycraft this week and feels so soft!

Flippin eck!!

2009-04-28T14:44:00.001+01:00

Just had yet another call from my sons school!! He's stepped in yet again and got slapped by some girl!! Every week the phone rings with sonething and I answer heart in mouth! I mention these things to his dad and I honestly have no idea why I do! He's as much use as a chocolate tea pot!!

This morning as I drove to work with usual thoughts of usual things I was thinking how nice it would be to have a hug from a certain yummy man and a car overtook me at that moment, the number plate was 999 HUG !!!! Omg!! How weird was that!

Spring cloud

2009-04-27T14:32:00.001+01:00

Nearly finished this, I've got about 10 rows of the ruffle to do and then cast off, it needs a nice stretchy cast off, I would do the Zimmerman cast on cast off which I love but there are so many stitches!! So I think I'll go for knit 2 and then knit 2 together that's what I did for the last one. Anyway must finish, and then get it in to soak!

Shamefull garden!!

2009-04-27T09:48:00.001+01:00

The rain came!! Which not only stops me cutting the grass and sorting the weeds it makes them grow more!! Vicious circle!! Ggrrgghh!!!

really must get out in the garden tomorrow!

2009-04-26T22:30:00.002+01:00

My poor garden has been sadly neglected since before my shoulder op which was January 2008! so in actual fact I've not been a nice person towards my plants for 2 years! that's awful considering how much i used to love it! Mind you I did enjoy it more when Suzi lived next door and we would swap plants and cups of tea, I am finding that I have become rather a hermit in my old age! the older I get the more I want to just stay home and knit or spin, I have no desire to go out and socialise, which is sad because I used to love it!! I think its mainly because I get sick and tired of the "gosh are you still single" comments! or the "still no BF" comments from some! I have no problem being single, I like having time for me and No boss, what I don't like is being treated like I'm not normal because I'm single! I also get pissed with the stupid, why don't you drink comments and how long has it been now since you last had a fag!

I stopped drinking on new years eve 2007, that night I drank so much I was extremely sick! sicker than anyone of my age should be!! and vowed never to feel that bad again! and I've not! I've not missed it at all, but again its like I'm weird because I don't drink! I enjoy myself, I laugh and have fun, and i don't have to have a headache the next day! bargain!

So tomorrow I am going to attempt (I say that as yarn may get in the way!) to get out into the garden and clear some weeds and cut the grass! hay fever tablets will be taken in vast quantities! I really need to get my garden back looking nice again! then I can sit outside and spin when my daisy gets here!!

washing machine has now stopped! chuck it in the dryer and off to bed me thinks!!

what on earth did we do before the internet!!

2009-04-25T00:39:00.003+01:00

Its so hard to remember what we did before the Internet, in fact what we did when there were only 4 Chanel's to choose from on the TV and the tales of cable TV from far away America was a wonderous fairytale!

Now without this magic box I would be sat here on my own, I would have no contact with another adult from after school til sometime the next day, I wouldn't know what my friends all over the world are doing right now, and I certainly wouldn't be communicating with people who are total strangers with a passion for yarny goodness just like me on a regular basis! we are very lucky that the whole world comes right into our homes! when you really stop and think about it, its rather mind blowing!!

Its thanks to this magic box that I am in contact with people that I knew from my school days as are most of us I suppose, its thanks to the magic box that I have shared some magical moments with people from my childhood that I would probably have never seen again! it makes you wonder if it wasn't here if you would have bumped into these people anyway? if fate would have put you in their path at sometime or another because they were supposed to be part of your life.

I have over this last week had a lot to think about, I have mulled and laughed and cried over things that I really cant change, and have come to the decision that, whatever I do or don't do will not effect the outcome, its all in the hands of fate really, choices made are not mine to make at this time, maybe they will be one day, but for now I can do nothing, except carry on enjoying life, if we give in to sadness and cry over loss for too long we end up missing out on so much, I cant be sad forever its not in my nature!! I am generally a happy person, I like to laugh!!! and when I'm sad I feel totally out of sorts!

life really is too short to be unhappy! there are so many things in this world to be happy for! On Monday I was Mrs Sad, my day sucked, nothing was going to plan, then in the afternoon I went to see my friend Lish to deliver her birthday pressie, and Maisy her littlest (nearly 4 years old) launched herself at me and gave me the biggest squish ever!! all the sadness melted away, all the love in that hug made everything OK, she made me smile and realise that however bad and sad things seem, there is always a silver lining that somewhere there is always someone who loves you, always someone who cares enough to squish you, and always someone who is in need of a squish from you.

some stuff wot I knitted!

2009-04-24T21:23:00.003+01:00

here follows a flurry of photos of all the stuff I seem to have knitted and not made any mention of!!!

2009-04-24T21:01:00.002+01:00

I knew that I hadnt really kept up with my projects and pics on Ravelry so tonight I thought Id give it a go and get them on here! and on Rav, then I realised that there where rather a lot more than I thought!!

It also seems that I had a flurry of Tams! a shoal of shawls, and an awful lot of scarves! some of which I sort of got bored with and stopped at neck warmers rather than fully blown scarves!

Plus of course the things that Ive done as pressies, like the cashmere socks I did for little M for christmas, shes worn them every night since and everyone tries to pinch them apparantly!! I was really lucky and snaffled some debbie bliss cashmere skeins for a stupidly small price on ebay, and i didnt get a pic before I gave them to her! doh!!

I really must keep up!! hopefully though I will be recording my new wheel experiences in the next few weeks, especially my first spun to knitted item.

so here we go with the pletherer of knitted stuff! from the iphone!

First cloud

2009-04-22T20:50:00.001+01:00

When my lush new wheel arrives I am going to spin some merino and silk blend and knit yet another of these, annoying thing is that I make these and never want to give them away!! So I have a plethera of shawls and scarves, and only one pair of shoulders but I fall in love with them and can't let them go!! I really loved knitting the hug for pud, and the response I got when I gave it to him, so I really should do more gift knits!!

2009-04-22T20:45:00.003+01:00

2009-04-22T20:45:00.001+01:00

Storm cloud

2009-04-22T20:44:00.001+01:00

Starting my second storm cloud, with my own home spun this time, love this pattern but get bored with doing elongated garter stitch so I've swapped back to bigger needles again, it makes a lovely swoopy drapey shawelette, the first one I did is in alpaca

lovely weather!

2009-04-21T18:00:00.002+01:00

Today has been so glorious! its warm and bright and makes the world seem such a lovely place, everyone is happy and it makes such a difference!

I am going to cast on for another cloud tonight, i would post a link to the pattern but Rav has just crashed! bugger!!! what on earth would we do without Ravelry!!! I would be lost! cast adrift!! Those guys are gods!

anyway, I have some home dyed home spun yummy yarn that I plan on turning into a cloud, I will post some pics of pretty cakes of yarn in a min,
I am trying my hardest to keep my fingers and brain busy busy busy! and right now I can hear a bike pulling up outside my house and am resisting the urge to get up and look out of the window!!! (one day!!) anyway I digress as I am want to do! off to find something to eat for dinner! and catch up with today's Gilmore girls......

Finished!!

2009-04-20T20:34:00.001+01:00

Here is my little distraction hat!! Trying hard not to let todays events upset me too much, working tomorrow and helping little Lish try to pack up her mummy's house on Wednesday, the universe will deliver when it's good and ready!!

I love these little hats!! They are so quick and easy to knit, and perfect for a quick fix knit!! Try saying that quickly!!!

2009-04-19T23:57:00.001+01:00

Cast on

2009-04-19T15:57:00.001+01:00

Next baby hat cast on for Elizabeths baby, now I know it's a boy! Needed to knit something small after the boucle!

done the dust now sneezing!

2009-04-19T13:53:00.002+01:00

went to work, did what needed to be done and then decided that my floor is actually not supposed to have a carpet! time to get the vac out!! also time to put away all the clothes that are at this moment in time in bags on my bed! the idea being that before I get into bed i will have to empty said bags and put stuff in various cupboards and draws and kids rooms, the reality is, the bags get put on the floor and then put back on the bed the next day!! I am such a crap housewife! I do it at work and I cant be arsed to do it at home!! I'm not going to died from a bit of untidiness, however I do like it more when its all nice and tidy, but then I like to knit and spin and go to the park, so that takes preference!! but its all looking much better now, and I will sort clothes in a bit once Ive had a coffee and sat for a bit, as the kids are out with their dad!! hopefully I have at least 2 more hours! but the plan is to get them to help with some of the work when they get back and bribe them with pizza if ive enough dosh! off to check online bank..........

Boucle Boucle!

2009-04-18T12:22:00.002+01:00

Ive now finished the wrappy thing, except for the clasp which I bought but now looks far too small for the fluffiness of it! so i need to source some in the UK, which of course as usual is bloody useless!!! what I need is some big round sort of Celtic things, you would have thought that we would have someone that made cloaks and stuff here! Anyway, I'm now not sure about if I should have kept the pattern at the size it was and not made it larger, I thought that it would look silly on me in the original size, now after knitting the blasted thing for ages I'm not sure! bugger!!!

Anyway I shall ask my sister later when she gets here and see what she thinks.

I'm now off to surf for clasps!! ........

So what makes me me?

2009-04-17T19:46:00.003+01:00

The day before we went on hols my sons aerial packed up for his rather large TV, queue him asking me for my laptop freeview stick! thought today that I would go and find a 3 way co-axial cable thingy, and some cable, unfortunately the only one that would have done the job was broken! so i came away empty handed, then I think........I know I'll call my friends hubby as he does that sort of stuff for a living, and see what he would recommend, I had at this point actually forgotten that he can go on! and on! and on! he tells me the best way yo do this is to get someone in and put the Ariel in the roof, and then a booster box and run cables into each room, FFSAKE!! I'm a single mum with a whingeing son! I cant afford to "get a man in!!" so I say can i get one of these boxes and just attached it at the back of the TV where the aerial enters the house and run a cable? weeeelllll yes you can he says but the best way is to go through the roof! yes I'm sure it is I say, well actually there are a few ways you could do it, but through the roof is the best way, at this point my eyes rolled into the back of my head! all I wanted was to find out if it would work if I just ran a frigging cable up the wall!! I don't care about aesthetically pleasing cables, as long as it works and the boy child gets off my back I'm happy!

But just for the record, why is it that I'm not the kind of woman who men say, hey don't worry, I'll come over and do that for you! sometimes I think that I'm too capable, I can cope, I can handle anything! I don't need help or looking after, why does everyone think that!! I would love to be able to hand over just something in my hectic life to someone! it would be blissful to come home to dinner cooking or bath run for me! even more so to have another adult to talk to in the evening, instead I have the TV on and sit alone. Is making yourself a damsel in distress the answer? I do hope not as I don't really think I should change myself! and lets face it, your true self always shows through! no one can hide their true self forever!! and why would you want to! I remember when I met my husband to be, thinking that he would change his hygiene habits once he lived with me and saw me bathing daily and how we lived, but no! I thought that once he saw how hard I worked to make a living that he would too, you know what thought did!!

Now I live alone, with my kids, and just get on with it, I have no idea how hard it would be to live with someone again, to relinquish some control of my life to someone else, having done it twice to disastrous consequence I will admit I am terrified! but being with someone who wants me as I am would be wonderful!

As I said life and loves........

2009-04-16T11:12:00.004+01:00

I have just been reading an interesting article, and this particular line really hit home,

whilst on the pathway to meeting your true love
Learn to love yourself the way you want someone to love you. Because that person you're going to meet is going to be a mirror of who you are inside.

For many years I have been in car crash relationships! mainly I think because I didn't think that I was worth anymore than that or because I thought that I could fix them!

I changed the way I thought of things this year, what I want is Friendship set on fire! that's true love, This year I actually met a man that made me feel amazing, he actually wanted to please me, and for the first time ever I felt truly loved, I felt with him like I do with my girlie's, safe and comfortable and at ease, no pretense no bullshit, no pretending that I didn't feel for him in case I frightened him off!

As with many great loves there are often complications, and hes gone away for a while, and I am sad, as I'm sure is he, but one thing i know for sure is that I know how I want to be loved now, and I will settle for nothing less, and if he and I are meant to be then the universe will sort that out for us, if we are not then he has given me a great gift, he made me see that I am worth loving properly, I am worth so much more than I ever thought I was, and I am grateful to him for that, and will always love him.

I really really am going to go knit now!!

2009-04-15T15:59:00.002+01:00

I have been sat in the same spot all day, organising this blogg and updating some of my fav sites and blogs! mainly cos each time I stand up I have to sit down again!! with the wonky ear and head thing!!

Anyway I am going to move from this chair to the sofa and start knitting this Giotto! now that I have untangled it!! some evil person skeined it i think! making sure that some of the twist was wrong! aarrrgghh!!

Anyway is really quiet here, no tv or music on, kids are both out, (having said that they will appear any second! like magic!!)
The worst thing about sitting here on my own is the whole drifting of and evaluating my life thing! maybe i need to get out more!! lol!! anyway more Gilmour girls and knitting for me!!